hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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