got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
