Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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