ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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