yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
