No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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