It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
