An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Alive.
So much puke
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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