no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
