:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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