He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im holly from the hills drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
