I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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