from now on my penis is your penis
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
