Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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