well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
