She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
