We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
