you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
