I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
