Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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