So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
