do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
operation have a gay friend backfired
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You took a bar mat shot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
