I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
