hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Jerry, you need to find god
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
