I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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