hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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