I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
