She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
