I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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