We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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