Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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