Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
