What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
