I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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