Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
