i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Randomize
