I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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