Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
