you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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