I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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