i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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