Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
