Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
