Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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