I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
