we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
