Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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