Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
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