it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
