I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
