I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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