My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
